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2Travel.org

The Path We Have Traveled

 
   
 

A story of my practice of judgment and denial that keeps me from seeing and
enjoying the people in my life for who and what they are.

 
 


Stand-Ins

I was once told by a teacher "you're a very intelligent person, but you throw it at people like Spears". I am often so caught up in my desire to believe that I'm a genius and my belief that I am an idiot, that I project myself onto everyone I meet.

I jump at every opportunity to correct the people around me in order to prove that I am not an idiot. The world for me is a huge set of stand-ins, that is people that stand in for aspects of myself. I do not really see them as individuals, I see them as opportunities to argue with myself.

My relationships are really between my secret fears, which I see and condemn in others and my desired beliefs about myself that I hope to validate through arguing with parts of myself that I project onto others.

This cycle is futile. I am denying what I secretly believe about myself to be true while acting as if I am that which I want to believe I am.

Of course I'm not alone in the practice. To lesser or greater degrees those around me are doing the same thing with me and those around them. It is no wonder that I find social situations draining and oppressive. I am strongly motivated to play out this act and those around me seldom cooperate.

 Probably because they are equally invested in playing out their beliefs or tire of me attempting to force them to play out mine. I wonder who the people around me really are. Who could/would they be and what could they offer if I truly allowed myself to see them?

One More Time
535

 

 
 

The cause of all our personal problems and nearly all the problems of the world can be summed up in a single sentence:
Human life is very deep, and our modern dominant lifestyle is not.
--Bo Lozoff